10 Days To Go

Okay.

If you'd have told me a few years ago that I'd be on a diet that consisted mostly of various meats and cheeses I'd have called shenanigans on you.  When I first heard of the high protein/low carb diet I thought it was too good to be true so I never looked into it.  I thought, "there's no way that someone made a diet plan that called for eating two of my favorite food groups in abundance while justifying my lack of fruits and vegetables as healthy."  I imagined it as a heaven full of steaks, fajitas, beef jerky, and barbeque sausage.

How wrong I was.

Since last Tuesday I've been on what's functionally an Atkin's Diet and I hate it.  You see over the last few months I've grown accustomed to eating lots of fruit as a substitute for unhealthy snacks.  It's worked tremendously well because if I snack slowly I remain full and have the satisfaction of knowing I'm taking care of myself.  On this two week pre-op diet I'm limited to one piece of medium fruit per day.  In this case I've chosen to have about 1/3 cup of watermelon.  Sweet, delicious, juicy watermelon.

Now, I understand the basics behind the diet and why it's important for me to be on it before surgery but that doesn't make it any easier.  These last few days have been hell.  I'm pretty much always hungry and my stomach hurts most of the day.* I went walking with the dog last Wednesday and when I came home all sweaty E commented that something smelled like meat.  While she first thought it was the pup we both came to the revolting conclusion that it was me.  I smelled like a butcher's shop.

Two eggs with Turkey breakfast sausage.  Small portion of watermelon.  Roasted and lightly salted peanuts.  Cocoa almonds.  Low-fat cheese.  Turkey lunchmeat.  Roasted Chicken.  Small bag of carrots and celery with almond butter.  Baked chicken with melted cheddar (actually really good.)

By the time I get home I'm craving vegetables which is something I never thought I'd experience.  I finish off the day with broccoli,green beans, salad, peppered cashews, and pistachios.  That part isn't so bad as I find it's best to have my last meals be light so that I don't feel sluggish by the time I go to bed.  Also, eating a bunch of fiber at work is a bad idea.

I've only got ten more days until the surgery.  I had a talk with a co-worker, J, about surgery as she's had quite a few recently.  I'll talk more about my thoughts on being cut open and having a virtual stranger root around in my insides later, but suffice to say I'm feeling a mix of excited, impatient, and anxious about the whole thing. 

*WARNING - Honest Talk About Crapping*
For those who care not to read about the bowel movements of a 313lb (still!) man then skip this part.

For most of my adult life I assumed I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome because, to paraphrase Louis CK, every time I had to crap it was an emergency.  For whatever bizarre reason, I never linked eating fast food almost exclusively with alternating constipation and diarrhea.  Odd isn't it?  When I once told E that I went #2 she was shocked and told me that something was wrong.  I assumed she was weird or something. 

The thing is once I started eating healthy I started having regular BMs.  This may be too intimate a confession, but it is wonderful.  I can now go out to eat in public without worrying that at any moment I might need to take a dump RIGHT NOW.  I now longer need to carry Immodium with me everywhere.  It's one of the benefits of eating healthy that I think should be mentioned more.