"Like You've Been Stabbed Five Times"

I met with my surgeon last Thursday for the last time before my surgery.  We went over the specifics of the procedure and what my recovery will be like.  It's a laparoscopic surgery so I'll only have five small incisions about an inch or so in length in my abdomen.  He didn't really say how long it will take, it should be between 20min to an hour.  Of course there's a whole host of complications that could come up (and they made me sign a waiver detailing all of the various complications, including death), but I'm trying to focus more on the fact that this particular surgeons group has a perfect record.

This will be the second time I've been under general anesthesia (the first time being for tonsils which I don't remember), and I've got to say I'm a little nervous about it.  Part of the nervousness comes from reading all of the ways in which general anesthesia can mess with me.  I'd say the other part isn't nervousness based on fear but rather nervousness at starting a radical new period of my life. 

I've been preparing for this for nearly 8 months, but it's still daunting to think about.  I've got all of my technical information down, but it's learning how to put it into practice that I'm nervous about.  After Tuesday the way I live will be totally different that what I'm used to.  It's exciting, nerve-wracking, scary, and hopeful all at the same time.  I'm looking forward to so much.

I usually do well with change in my life.  Whether it's moving, starting a new job, or going back to school it usually doesn't take me too long to adapt.  Getting into a healthy routine is essential for my success, and having a month or so to gradually get used to eating differently will help with that.  It'd be much more difficult if there were no transition period to separate my old life from my new one.

I'm trying not to anticipate difficulties.  It might sound like a recipe for failure, but I find I do better when I focus on the specifics of my goals in small increments.  I'm making a huge life change that will require lots of change on my part as well as E's.  However, my decisions to life healthy are a day to day, moment to moment decision.  Long term achievements with daily goals.  Can I walk by those cookies someone brought to work?  Can I resist the spontaneous urge to drink a Coke.  Will I be able to control myself?  I'd like to say absolutely yes to each one, but I won't know until they come up.  I've been working for two years now on making sure I'm aware of when I'm making a decision and the motivations for why I choose what I choose.

In three days a skilled, experienced surgeon surgeon will cut small holes in me, insert long metal tools into my abdominal cavity, and, with the aid of a camera, place an inflatable silicone ring around the upper portion of stomach.  What a tremendous thing.